高考作文习作点评

2024-06-04

高考作文习作点评（精选6篇）

高考作文习作点评篇1

一、面评习作, 激发学生学

习兴趣, 充分调动学生的主动性是学生习作点评的重要因素

兴趣是最好的老师, 只有对绘画产生浓厚的兴趣, 喜欢画画, 学生才会主动去学习, 才会画出优秀的习作来, 而学生兴趣的培养, 调动学生学习的主动性, 关键在教师。在画室中, 当着众多学生点评习作, 是一件不容易做好的事, 要让学生心服口服, 提高学生习作水平, 教师除了教学方法得当, 还需要有扎实、深厚的专业知识和丰富的教学经验, 根据不同的学生的性格, 不同学生的习作, 由浅入深、循序渐进, 老师需要指出习作中的优点, 并给予适当肯定, 然后指出习作中的不足, 同时提供、给予学生解决的方案。如“这幅习作构图大胆, 线条流畅, 有创意, 很棒!如果颜色再响亮些, 笔触变化再丰富些, 这样会更完美”等。这种方法, 使教师能够及时掌握学生的习作情况, 反馈教学效果。学生也可以在老师的指导下及时改正, 并能激发学生学习的兴趣, 充分调动学生的主动性, 增强学生的成就感和自信心。

二、鉴赏优秀作品、提高学生审美观是学生习作点评的重要环节

在点评习作时, 教师有针对性地选择一至两幅优秀作品给学生鉴赏, 分析其作品, 让学生知道什么作品是好, 好在哪里, 什么样的作品是坏, 存在的问题在哪儿, 这样有利于提高学生的审美观。学生审美观的提高是画好习作的前提, 学生只有知道、理解一幅优秀的作品好在哪里, 具有鉴别作品优劣的能力, 才会有能力、有信心画出优秀的习作来, 才能在高考中取得高分。在读作品的同时, 引导学生有针对性地临摹局部, 加深印象, 这样学生有了画出优秀作品的理论依据, 审美观提高了, 优秀习作也就产生了。如:给学生分析后印象派大画家塞尚《苹果与橙子》时, 给学生分析讲解作品的构图独特、画面色调统一、色彩响亮、塑造精彩等。

三、语句温馨, 评语精到、独特, 是习作点评的关键

美术高考训练中, 学生思想压力大, 在点评学生习作时, 教师几句简短的评语, 表示对学生习作的看法与肯定。肯定了学生习作的优点, 才能启发学生自行纠正习作的不对之处。评语精到、独特, 学生印象深刻, 便于学生记忆;语句温馨, 便于鼓励学生的创新意识和探索精神, 在习作练习中提出新的观念。学生关心的是自己的习作是不是得到老师的肯定, 自己的习作得不到老师的肯定, 学生会对绘画失去信心, 甚至于会厌画, 也会走进死胡同。教师几句温馨的话, 学生顾虑打消了, 信心有了, 兴趣有了, 创造力自然就发挥出来了。在点评习作时, 多用鼓励的语言, 少讲影响学生情绪的话语, 让学生树立信心, 学生自信了, 习作也就成功了一半。

四、抓两头, 带中间, 营造良好的学习氛围是学生习作点评的前提

学生的绘画水平参差不齐, 有天赋好的学生, 也有天赋一般的学生;有勤奋好学的学生, 也有不思进取的学生。营造成良好的学习氛围是学生习作点评的前提, 有了良好的学习氛围才是成功的开始。对绘画水平高、有天赋的学生, 严格要求, 布置习作时有意加大难度, 让学生吃饱, 同时加以鼓励:“你的习作构图有新意、形体结构很好, 真棒!”对基础差的学生, 点评时, 多用鼓励的语言, 如:“你的学习态度很认真, 习作进步很快, 继续努力, 你会成功的”。学生习作不同层次地得到老师的好评, 学生学习信心才会倍增, 营造了良好的学习氛围, 画室里才会形成你追我赶的学习局面, 优秀习作也就产生了。

五、教师点评与修改习作相结合是学生习作点评的保证

教师在学生的美术习作中出现错误的地方, 直接动手修改, 使学生在观摩与对比中知道错误所在。在绘画习作中, 有些问题用文字很难讲清, 若采用教师直接修改的方法, 会使学生更直观地认识习作中的错误, 在比较中了解正确的方法。学生对于绘画知识和技法的理解难度很大, 习作中常常存在一些绘画知识性和技法的错误, 老师在习作上画出正确的方法, 就能使学生一目了然, 简明易懂。

综上所述, 学生习作点评是美术高考训练中的最后环节, 也是最关键的环节, 学生习作水平的高低, 直接反映出教师训练学生的方法是否正确, 学生是否理解绘画知识和技法等, 它的最终目的是通过学生习作点评, 使美术高考训练与“新课程”的要求相一致, 更好地提高美术教学质量, 最终让学生在美术高考中取得优异的成绩, 让喜欢美术事业的学生走进神圣的艺术殿堂。

高考作文习作点评篇2

放学了刚踏出校门，隐隐约约听见一阵优美悦耳的二胡声。二胡声从那个被人们围绕的那个角落里传出。因为人太多我和朋友只能从大人的胳肢窝下慢慢地前进。

这个拉二胡的人大概四十多岁了。戴着一顶破烂不堪的草帽，穿着一身被补了许多补丁的衣服和一双黑白相间的帆布鞋。草帽下一张清瘦的脸，还有皱纹，还有折纹，还有螺旋纹；手背上像被刀划过有裂痕凹凸不平的青筋

他盘腿坐着，手里拿着一个复古又破旧的二胡。他拿着这个二胡，用二胡拉出一些不知名的曲子。他时而露出笑容，时而突然停止奏乐，时而好像回味着他拉的曲子。

他的前面有一陶瓷碗，碗里面有一角两角的硬币，也有一元的硬币。我的朋友从口袋里拿出一元硬币，扔到碗里时不小心弹开了。他立刻睁开眼睛，注视着硬币滚动的方向。直到朋友将硬币捡起来放入碗中，他才轻轻地闭上眼睛，继续奏乐。

天色快接近黄昏，人都快走光了。我从口袋里摸出一元钱，但又犹豫地收进去。

这老人突然说：“还想听吗?明天再来吧。”

拉二胡的老人(潘老师修改并点评)戴山学校501班褚师路

放学了,刚踏出校门，就隐隐约约听见一阵优美悦耳的二胡声。二胡声从那个被人们围绕的角落里传出。人太多，我和朋友只能从大人的胳肢窝下慢慢地。开头就很吸引人！好的开头能吸引读者的眼球！

拉二胡的人大概六十多岁。他戴着一顶破烂不堪的草帽，穿着一身被补了许多补丁的衣服和一双黑白相间的帆布鞋。草帽下一张清瘦的脸，还有皱纹，还有折纹，还有螺旋纹。手背上像被刀划过，有裂痕和凹凸不平的青筋。外貌描写很细致，刻画出一位饱经沧桑又似乎穷困潦倒的艺人的形象！他盘腿坐着，手里拿着一个复古又破旧的二胡。时而露出笑容好像沉醉其中，时而突然停止奏乐紧锁双眉，时而忆往事。刻画老人的神态，力求表现他对音乐的沉迷和对往事的留恋。的前面有一瓷碗，里面有一角两角的硬币，也有一元的硬币。我的朋友从口袋里拿出一元硬币，扔到碗里弹。他睁开眼睛，注视着硬币滚动的方向，直到朋友将硬币捡起来放入碗中，他才轻轻地闭上眼睛，继续奏乐。细节描写（详尽地描写细微的动作），表现老人的沉稳和淡定。

天色近黄昏，围观的人都快走光了。我似乎想起点什么，从口袋里摸出一元，伸出口袋又犹豫地收进去老人说：“还想听吗?明天再来吧。”

然后，在渐渐笼罩的暮色里，他又沉醉在自己的乐声里了……

所有的文字都是为了刻画老人的饱经沧桑、痴迷音乐、从容淡定、自得其乐。外貌的描绘、神态的描摹、动作的刻画、细节的描写，以及我的犹豫，都集中指向这一目的！

拉二胡的老人(正稿)戴山学校501班褚师路

放学了,刚踏出校门，就隐隐约约听见一阵优美悦耳的二胡声。二胡声从那个被人们围绕的角落里传出。人太多，我和朋友只能从大人的胳肢窝下慢慢地挤进去瞧。

拉二胡的人大概六十多岁。他戴着一顶破烂不堪的草帽，穿着一身被补了许多补丁的衣服和一双黑白相间的帆布鞋。草帽下一张清瘦的脸，还有皱纹，还有折纹，还有螺旋纹。手背上像被刀划过，有裂痕和凹凸不平的青筋。

他盘腿坐着，手里拿着一个复古又破旧的二胡，时而露出笑容好像沉醉其中，时而突然

停止奏乐紧锁双眉，时而闭眼沉思似乎在回忆往事。

老人的前面有一个瓷碗，里面有一角两角的硬币，也有一元的硬币。我的朋友从口袋里拿出一元硬币，扔到碗里，硬币从碗里弹出去。他慢慢睁开眼睛，注视着硬币滚动的方向，直到朋友将硬币捡起来放入碗中，他才轻轻地闭上眼睛，继续奏乐。

天色已近黄昏，围观的人都快走光了。我似乎想起点什么，从口袋里摸出一元硬币，伸出口袋的一刹那，又犹豫地收进去，但终于蹲下放进那个瓷碗里。

老人微微点了点头，轻轻地说：“还想听吗？明天再来吧。”

高考作文习作点评(1) 篇3

★2006年高考英语安徽卷作文题目

书面表达（满分25分）

假设你是李华，作为选派的交流学生在美国某中学学习了一年，寄住在Mr. Brown家里，刚回到国内。回国后你发现自己的一本英语词典遗忘在他家，因此给他写一封信，请他帮助寄回词典。信的主要内容如下：

* 感谢在美国期间他所提供的帮助。

* 一本英语词典忘记带回。

* 词典是美国老师送的，非常珍贵。

* 词典很可能丢在卧室的书架上。

* 邮资自己付。

注意：

1．词数100左右；信的开头和结尾已为你写好。

2．可适当增加细节，以使行文连贯。

3．参考词汇：邮资—postage

Dear Mr. Brown,

Yours,Li Hua

【学生习作修改和注解】

学生习作

Dear Mr. Brown,

I'm Li Hua1, I have got home safely2. I'm very thankful for you helping me when I studied in America as an exchanged student for a year3.

But4 I found my dictionary was left at your home, which was given by my American teacher and it is very precious and important for me5. I think it may be left on the shelf in the bedroom.

I'll be very thankful if you can post the dictionary to me when you are free. And then I'll pay the postage.

I can't thank you very much6. I'm looking forward to receiving your letter back. I hope everything goes well.

Yours, Li Hua

原文修改稿

Dear Mr. Brown,

This is Li Hua1)! I got home safely2). Thank you for all your help during my year as an exchange student in America3).

I think4) I left my dictionary at your home, which was given to me by my American teacher and is very precious and important to me5). I think it may be left on the shelf in the bedroom.

I'll be very thankful if you can post the dictionary to me when you are free. And then I'll pay the postage.

I can't thank you enough6). I'm looking forward to receiving your reply. I hope everything goes well.

Yours, Li Hua

【点评】

文章涵盖了要点中提及的所有内容，也使用了一些复杂句型，如：非限制性定语从句和时间状语从句，但个别句子出现了时态和表达错误。下面我们来逐句解释和分析：

1. 在书信中，一般写信人的姓名写在书信结尾，所以在文章的开头就不用做自我介绍了。再者，这封信为私人信件，没有必要写得太过正式，用“This is Li Hua”要比“I'm Li Hua”更合适。

2. 作者“安全到家”这一动作发生在过去。在写信时，作者很可能已经在家一段时间了，所以最适合的时态应该是一般过去时，即“I got home safely”，而不是“I have got home safely”。

3. “非常感激某人做某事”的表达方式为：“be thankful to sb. for sth./doing sth.”。用这个表达方式时要注意介词to和for的位置。此句可以改为“I'm very thankful to you for your help when I studied in America as an exchange student.” 另外，“for a year” 在此处用得不对，它用来表示已经花了多少时间，例如：I have been back for a year. (我回来已经一年了。)而“在那一年中”只能说“during the year”。如果要表示“在我学习的那一年中”，可以说： I appreciate (am thankful to) your help during the year I studied in America.

4. 同学们一般认为but就是一个表示转折的词，其实它还意味着部分否定前面所说的话。前面说感谢别人，马上说“但是”，好像有不满意的意思，这样容易引起误解。

5. 作者想说的是：“因为这本词典是老师给的，所以对我来说珍贵”。但是分成两个并列句，这种因果联系就表达不出来了。

6. 是中国式英语，意思反了。作者要表达的意思是“怎么感谢都不会过分”，但事实上写成了：“我不能十分感谢你！”应该改为“I can't thank you enough.”

【参考范文】

Dear Mr. Brown，

I have arrived safely back in China. Thanks again for all your help and kindness during my stay in US. You really made sure I had a safe and enjoyable time. I hope you are well and that everything is fine with you.

Unfortunately1), I have a very small favor to ask. When I got back to China, I checked my bags and realized that I had left my English dictionary at your house2). This was a gift to me from my American teacher and I treasure it dearly. I wonder if you would mind sending it back to me. Of course3), I will happily pay for any postage.

I last saw the dictionary on the bookshelf in my bedroom. It has a red cover and so should be easy to find!

Thanks in advance.

Yours, Li Hua

【参考句型】

1. Unfortunately 可以用于句首，后面跟逗号，表示转折，代替but。

2. 该句子是一个复杂句，首先when引导了一个时间状语从句When I got back to China，而且that引导了一个名词性宾语从句that I had left my English dictionary at your house。该句还使用了一般过去时和过去完成时两种时态。

3. Of course在这里是连接短语，起到了承上启下的作用。

【有用的表达方式】

1. thankfuladj. 感谢的, 感激的

[搭配]be thankful to sb. for sth. 因为某事而感激某人

[例句]I was thankful for all the training I had had. 用grateful 也可以。

2. preciousadj. 珍贵的，宝贵的

[例句] ⑴ Water is precious and we must do everything we can to protect and preserve it.

⑵ Living with cancer has made me realize how precious life is and how important it is to live life to the fullest.

[提示] 但是要注意，“宝贵的学习或工作经验、机会”要用“valuable experience, rewarding experience”。

3. looking forward to期待，盼望

[提示] 此处的to为介词，其后如果接动词的话，动词要用动名词形式。

[例句] ⑴ You know I have been looking forward to this trip.

⑵ We are looking forward to attending/participating in the opening ceremony of the coming Olympics.

4. kindnessn. 善意，(关心，帮助等)善良行为

[提示] kindness是kind的名词形式。

[例句] ⑴ Her main characteristics are devotion, kindness and honesty.

⑵ Thanks to the project and the kindness of his family and neighbors, he was able to receive treatment in time to prevent the disease from ruining his health.

5. enjoyableadj. 令人愉快的，享受的

[提示] 同学们熟悉和常用的是enjoyable的动词形式enjoy。实际上，enjoyable在英文中也是一个常用词汇。它可以代替 “happy”和“pleasant” 等表示“愉快”意义的词。

[例句] ⑴ We spent an enjoyable evening playing cards.（朗文字典）

⑵ The author decided to give her mother a computer to make her life more enjoyable.（2006 全国）

⑶ Touch-screen devices make shopping enjoyable.（2005 浙江）

6. treasurevt. 珍爱，珍惜

[提示] 大家对treasure的名词用法不陌生，也知道它具有动词词性，但是在写作中却很少会把它作动词来用，也很少用由它衍生的过去分词treasured作形容词。

[例句] ⑴ Jenny was very sad over the loss of the photos she had shot in Canada, as they are mermories she especially treasured.（2006 广东）

⑵ Welcome to Ontario Parks, a new body set up to manage Ontario's most treasured special places.（2006 四川）

7. realizev. 实现，认识到

[提示] 我们比较熟悉的用法是realize 后加从句表示“认识到”这个意思。但是另一个简单、常用而很多同学并不熟悉的用法是：realize后直接加名词，表示“实现（理想、愿望等）”。

[例句] ⑴ Most of the students did not realize that we actually learn a foreign language much faster than we learn our mother tongue.

⑵ In my mind, attending my dream university would be the only way to realize my dream of becoming a world-class writer.（2004 北京）

注：未标明出处的例句均选自高中英语课本

习语加油站

Neck and neck比赛进行得很激烈/竞争双方不相上下

Neck and neck 这个说法来自于比赛，如赛跑、赛马等。

就拿赛马来说吧，有的时候两匹马齐头并进，很难分辨出哪匹马在前头，哪一匹在后头。在有的情况下，一匹马由于它的脖子比另一匹马先到终点而获胜，还有的时候甚至由于它的头，或它的鼻子先到而成了冠军。但是，neck and neck 现在也经常用在别的竞争方面，下面这个例子就能说明这一点：

Right now, only a week from the election, the Republicans and the Democrats are running neck to neck and none of the experts can predict which party will win.（现在离选举只有一个星期了，但是，共和党和民主党在竞选方面仍然不分上下，没有一个专家能预测到底哪个党派会在竞选中获胜。）

Neck and neck 有时还可以用在其他场合，如：

I'm running neck and neck with the clock to see if I can finish on time.(我正在加紧工作，不知能不能在限定时间内完成。）

Carpool合伙用车、拼车

据America in So Many Words一书介绍，carpool是美国人自创的新词，最早出现于1962年。要了解这个单词，首先要知道pool引申义。Pool可以解作“一群企业或个人联合起来，整合资源，以谋求获利。”因此，carpool就很好理解了，既然是“把汽车都整合起来，给一群人用，又于人于己都方便”，那就是“合伙用车、拼车”了。

高考作文题目点评篇4

古人常以比喻说明对理想的追求，涉及基础、方法、路径、目标及其关系等。如汉代扬雄就曾以射箭为喻，他说：“修身以为弓，矫思以为矢，立义以为的，奠而后发，发必中矣。”大意是，只要不断加强修养，端正思想，并将“义”作为确定的目标，再付诸行动，就能实现理想。

上述材料能给追求理想的当代青年以启示，请结合你对自身发展的思考写一篇文章。

要求：选准角度，确定立意，明确文体，自拟标题;不要套作，不得抄袭;不得泄露个人信息;不少于800字。

【夏野虹点评】：

今年的题有难度，要求的很具体。这次是对高考作文的回归，有一定的深度。

这次的.作文题目把教育部的三个要求，引导教学、服务选拔人才、立德树人这三方面都涵盖到了。

这次作文主要有两点

1：追求理想

2：青年的自身发展

在这两个维度之间展开，写起来是有一定难度的，因为每个人的自身发展都不一样，在这两者里想找一些链接是有难度的。

在写作上，如果以轻松一点的方式来写，要立足自身发展，要对自己有明确的认识;如果从追求理想的角度来写，这样子角度会比较宽泛不好下笔，如果角度落到自身发展上，可能会把文章的整体调子降下去，从自身发展到追求理想上去写，这样文章整体的调子是昂扬的，也很好落笔。

【夏野虹简介】：

高考作文习作点评(10) 篇5

第二节书面表达(满分25分)

你所在的班级将要举行一次主题为“What Can We Do for Our School?”的英语演讲比赛。请写一篇英语演讲稿，要求从以下四方面任选一至二个进行阐述，并举例加以说明。

1. 关心他人

2. 美化校园

3. 爱护学校设施

4. 营造良好的学习氛围

注意：

1. 不要在书面表达中出现所在学校的校名和本人姓名，否则本节判为零分；

2. 词数：100左右；

3. 参考词汇：

爱心——love and care；

校园——campus；

设施——facilities；

氛围——environment

4. 开头和结尾已经写好，且不计词数。

Hello, everyone. It's nice to speak about what we can do for our school, and I think each of us can do something.

....

Thank you for listening!

学生习作与点评

学生习作

What Can We Do for Our School?

Hello, everyone. It's nice to speak about what we can do for our school, and I think each of us can do something.

We can beautify our school 1through the following ways. First, do not discard rubbish randomly, especially battery, 2and we shall classify and recycle the waste. Second, do not split 3and we shall clear up the dirt on ground and wall. Third, we shall keep off the grass and plant trees every year.

In addition, we also need to protect school facilities. First, we shall 4recognize all the facilities in our school and be aware of their purposes. Second, we shall know how to use them in right way and how to 5protect them, 6such as remember to turn off the light if you are the last one to leave classroom.

Thank you for listening!

原文修改稿

What Can We Do for Our School?

Hello, everyone. It's nice to speak about what we can do for our school, and I think each of us can do something.

We can beautify our school by doing a few simple things. First, do not discard rubbish randomly, especially batteries, and make sure to classify and recycle waste. Second, do not spit. Third, we will sweep the floors every day and clean the walls often. Fourth and last, we shall keep off the grass and plant new trees every year.

In addition, we also need to protect school facilities. We should be aware of all school facilities and what purposes they serve. We should also know how to safely use these facilities and how to keep them in good condition. For example, remember to turn off the light if you are the last one to leave a classroom.

Thank you for Iistening！

整体点评

习作符合题目要求，选择了“美化校园”和“爱护学校设施”两方面进行阐述，层次分明。文中用到了很多亮点词汇(组)，如 beautify、discard、classify、facilities、be aware of等。其不足之处在于：有些词汇使用欠准确，例如recognize (见难点分析4)、such as (见难点分析6)。另外，and并列结构使用错误：由and连接的各个并列成分必须对称(见难点分析2)。除此之外，文章的句式结构单一，在两个主要段落中都用了“first, second...”这个模式，显得很单调；文中还多次重复使用“do not...”和“we shall...”句型，缺少变化。文中个别单词拼写有误，如把“吐痰(spit)”写成split。

难点分析

1. 习作中的表达并没有错，只是修改稿中的表达方法更加地道：by doing something 是一种十分常用的表达。

2. And前后应该连接两个平行结构。但此句中，前半部分是祈使句，后半部分是个主谓完整的句子，这样一来整个结构就不平衡了。因此，应将后半句也改为祈使句。注意修改稿中make sure to do sth.的用法。

3. 此句存在的问题和上一句相同：and连接的两个部分结构不平行。同时，clear的用法欠准确：clear本身有“清除，清理”的意思。如果仅仅要求语法结构正确，那么后半部分可以改为we shall clean the ground and wall(删去“up the dirt on”)或we shall clear up the ground and sweep dirt away from the wall(将on改为away)。但是，此处最好不要说clear up the dirt from the ground，因为dirt 的意思是“污垢；烂泥；灰尘；泥土”的意思，可换一种表达方法，如修改稿中的sweep the floor，处理得就很好。另外，也可以将整句改成：Second, do not spit and make sure that the ground and wall are always clean.

4. 对recognize的理解不够准确。Recognize是“认识；承认”的意思，要表达“了解，知晓”这个意思时，最好用be aware of这个词组。

5. 修改稿中的表达更为地道。Keep sth. in good condition的意思是“保护某物”。

6. Such as表示列举，有“例如，诸如”的意思，后面一般接名词或者名词性结构，而不直接接动词原形。

参考范文

What Can We Do for Our School?

Hello, everyone. It's nice to speak about what we can do for our school, and I think each of us can do something.

As high school students, it is our duty to care for our environment and the animals and people we come in contact with. We can help 1by assisting the elderly or organizing educational activities.

2In addition, we can plant trees to beautify our school and community. We are all responsible for keeping our school clean by developing good habits such as putting garbage in its proper place.

It is also our responsibility to create an environment helpful to learning. For example, we can organize an English language corner in a comfortable place and always bear in mind to keep our voices low in the library.

With everyone's contribution, we can make our school a comfortable learning environment.

Thank you for listening!

参考句型

1. By...表示“通过……的方式”，此介词的应用将需要两句话表达的意思用一句话就表达出来了，使得文章更加简洁明了。第三段中的第二句也使用了此介词。

2. In addition表示“另外”，用于补充说明。

有用的表达方式

1. discard v. 丢弃，抛弃

[例句] Cut the pepper in half, discard the seeds and stem and chop the flesh into small cubes.

2. make sure 明确，证实

[例句] She told her little son to make sure the door was shut.

[例句] Make sure to have a chance to move during a lesson because it will help us think better.

3. keep off 挡开

[例句] Sometimes we made shelters with leaves and branches to keep the rain off us.

4. be / become aware of 知道

[例句] In order to do so, we should first become aware of the threats that plants face in their natural habitats.

[例句] Group work makes us aware of the role that is most suitable for each of us. Practice also brings the benefit of getting experience working with other people.

5. generate vt. 使存在；引起，招致

[例句] Student loans would generate more income for government or, if they are sold, for private investors, if they were guaranteed against default.

6. bear in mind 记住

提示：相当于“keep in mind”。

[例句] However, certain general principles should be borne in mind.

高考作文习作点评(23) 篇6

第二节：书面表达(满分25分)

请从下列人物中选择你最喜欢的一位，用英语写一篇120词左右的短文。要求根据所给信息作适当发挥，且需包括以下三部分内容：

1. 对该人物的简单介绍；

2. 喜欢该人物的理由；

3. 从该人物身上得到的启示。

学生习作与点评

学生习作

William Shakespeare

As an outstanding British writer, William Shakespeare has 1achieved 2the respect and love worldwide. Most of his plays and poems, which described the social lives, politics and cultures in Europe, have enjoyed great popularity.

I admire him a lot. He 3accepted little education, but he 4is talented and able to 5learn to 6write a play by self-taught. He was an active person 7kept pursuing what he really liked 8despite of the difficulties. Some of his famous works, most of 9what we 10are familiar, have shown that he was 11a person of great patriot. What's more, his famous comedies and tragedies, like The Merchant of Venice and Hamlet, are a valuable heritage for us to appreciate and study.

I love his words "Life is a stage..." He has set an excellent example 12to me, and I will strive to make my life valuable.

原文修改稿

William Shakespeare

As an outstanding British writer, William Shakespeare has won respect and love worldwide. Most of his plays and poems, which described the social lives, politics and cultures in Europe, have enjoyed great popularity.

I admire him a lot. He received little education, but he was talented and able to teach himself how to write plays. He was an active person who kept pursuing what he really liked despite (in spite of) the difficulties. Some of his famous works, most of which we are familiar with, have shown that he is a great patriot. What's more, his famous comedies and tragedies, like The Merchant of Venice and Hamlet, are a valuable heritage for us to appreciate and study.

I love his words "Life is a stage..." He has set an excellent example for me, and I will strive to make my life valuable.

整体点评

这篇作文写得不错。作者对文章题目理解充分，内容涵盖了所有要点。段落之间的过渡比较自然，句子之间也有效地使用了语句连接词，如What's more。比较值得称赞的是作者使用了很多复杂句式结构，尤其是使用了非限定性定语从句作插入语(Most of his plays and poems, which described...have enjoyed great popularity等)；同时，作者也使用了很多亮点词汇和词组，如：outstanding、achieve、despite、enjoy popularity、be familiar with、valuable、heritage、 appreciate、strive to、set an example for等。作者需要进一步提高的是准确使用词汇的能力，尤其是词汇的搭配。

难点分析

1. 词汇搭配不当。Achieve表示 “经过努力成功完成某事或取得某种结果”，一般与aim、goal、ambition、objective、purpose等词搭配，不能与respect搭配。要与respect搭配，表示“赢得(获得)尊重”，应用动词earn、gain或者win。

2. 去掉the。“Respect”和“love”在这里是泛指，不是特指。

3. 词汇搭配不当，accept应改为receive。Accept和receive都可以表示“接受”的意思。区别是：accept表示主动地“接受”，并伴随着一种满意或允诺的意味，常与apology、challenge、invitation、offer、proposal等词搭配；receive通常指被动地“收到”或“接到”，常与letter、education、report等词搭配。

4. 时态错误，is应改为was。莎士比亚已经去世，所以应该用一般过去时。

5. Learn to同后面的self-taught意思重复，二者取其一即可。

6. 此处的self-taught是形容词，不能作by的宾语。要表达“自学写剧本”的意思，此处可改为“teach himself how to write plays”。

7. 这里应该是个定语从句，修饰person。因person表人，且从句缺主语，所以此处应补上关系代词who，引导从句，同时作从句的主语。

8. 此处作者弄混了despite和 in spite of的用法。注意：despite = in spite of，意为“尽管，无论”。这句话可以改成“...what he really liked despite the difficulties”或“...what he really liked in spite of the difficulties”。

9. What改为which。这里是非限定性定语从句，关系代词应用which。

10. 此处作者漏掉了介词with。注意：“be familiar with”是固定搭配。

11.Patriot是名词，表示人，意思为“爱国者”，因此“a person of great patriot”的说法错误，应改成“he is a great patriot”或 “he is a person of great patriotism”。

12.To应改为for。“给……树立一个榜样”应用“set an example for...”。

参考范文

Helen Keller

Helen Keller, an ordinary but great woman, impresses the world with her special experience of success. Her moving statement "...if I had the power of sight for three days" has touched many people.

Ms. Keller's optimistic attitudes towards life win my respect. As a 19-month-old baby, she became deaf and blind. 1As a result, she lived in a world of darkness and silence. Communication was obviously a challenge for her. Despite these obstacles, she rose to the challenge and never gave up. Under the guidance of her teacher, Ms. Keller learned to read and write. She even went on to become a famous author! 2Given her disabilities and subsequent successes, she is truly admirable.

I believe that Helen Keller is a role model. She exemplifies the fact that no challenge or difficulty in life is too great.

参考句型

1. As a result，表示因果，相当于“therefore、thus、so”。

2. Given 这里是介词，意思是“考虑到，鉴于”，英文解释是“taking sth. into account”。

有用的表达方式

outstanding adj. 突出的，优秀的

Many of the most outstanding new breakthroughs have come in the field of genetics.

Professional footballers have to be very, very good, and to play for a leading club they must be outstanding.

提示：outstanding由动词词组stand out 演变而来。Stand out直译是“站出来”，引申为“优秀”。

achieve v. 达到，获得

The big cellphone company has achieved its goal of setting up ten production bases in China.

It showcases China's hi-tech successes achieved under the 863 Programme.

pursue v. 追求

More and more college students choose to pursue a Master's degree after their graduation.

Having set up a successful property business, Mme Liu has now decided to pursue her childhood ambition of completing high school and attending university.

valuable adj.有价值的，珍贵的

Without air, water and sunlight there would be no living things. Because they are so important, ecosystems try to be very careful with these valuable resources.

Classical art, such as valuable paintings, precious statues and other fine arts, usually ends up in the collections of museums, companies or rich people.

appreciate v. 欣赏

We can still appreciate art works made in the past for their beauty, but they are often too valuable to be placed in public buildings.

The country is now heading for a future where cultural diversity is appreciated and celebrated.

optimistic adj. 乐观的，积极的

Bankers are cautiously optimistic about the country's economic future. (朗文当代高级英语词典)

Are you still optimistic that the climbers can be rescued? (朗文当代高级英语词典)

exemplify v. 举例说明

The building exemplifies the style of architecture which was popular at the time. (朗文当代高级英语词典)

This court exemplifies the values of fairness and justice. (朗文当代高级英语词典)

strive to do sth. 努力(做某事)

[同义] try to do sth.

I was still striving to be successful. (朗文当代高级英语词典)